


Don't Ever Want to be Anywhere You're Not

by Anonymous



Category: Schitt's Creek (TV) RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:27:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24673087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Relationships: Dan Levy/Noah Reid
Comments: 7
Kudos: 47
Collections: Anonymous





	Don't Ever Want to be Anywhere You're Not

Dan closed the video and ran his hands through his hair.

 _Fuck_.

He’d been trying to pay attention to Noah while they were taping the graduation spot, but he was also trying to focus on playing the role of David again, and trying not to freak out about the fact he knew Mariah was showing up and no one else did.

It was a lot to focus on, all at once, and he missed some pretty key things in the moment.

Namely:

  1. Noah was crying.
  2. Noah was fucking CRYING.
  3. Why the fuck was Noah crying?



Dan groaned and opened the video again. He needed to make sure he wasn’t imagining things.

After the fourth time watching it through, he felt worse about the whole thing. He’d thought his cast would be thrilled, and for the most part, they were. But, Noah… Noah did not take that surprise like he thought he would.

Dan’s hand hovered over his phone and he bit his lip, considering.

He’d made a pact with himself when the whole quarantine started, but now he realized it might have been a really ill-advised pact. He’d honestly thought it was for the best, but maybe he’d just been monumentally stupid.

He’d wanted them both to move on. That was the whole point of his decision.

Well, that’s not true. He wasn’t sure he’d ever move on, especially when he wasn’t leaving the house and instead spent the whole quarantine mostly alone and watching Noah’s interviews and videos on loop when he should be writing.

But, Noah… he wanted Noah to be able to move on. Dan really thought he would. Of course he would. He was outgoing and popular, and so, so confident. So much more confident than Dan. He’d have no problem forgetting him and moving on to someone else. Noah had plenty of options.

Only… it didn’t look like he was having such an easy time of it.

Or maybe that wasn’t the reason he was crying. Maybe it had nothing to do with him after all? Maybe Noah was just fine not talking to him anymore.

Dan frowned and moved his hand away from his phone.

Pact with himself was still going strong(ish).

%%%

_Three Weeks Later_

Stacey had gone into town to get groceries. Dan still wasn’t okay with the idea of leaving the house beyond taking Red for walks within a six block radius. The idea of crowded grocery stores gave him hives and nearly put him into a blind panic. Even if the Governor said it was okay, it didn't feel okay. Not to him.

On a good day he’d rather stay home than be around hoards of people. This virus had only made that tendency stronger. He wasn’t sure he’d ever leave the house again at this rate. Maybe that was for the best.

Before the whole stay-at-home order, and right after he’d made the pact with himself, he’d intended to force himself to go out and meet people. He’d told himself it was the only way he’d be able to get over his stupid feelings. He honestly believed that by immersing himself in some meaningless hookups, he’d get Noah out of his system. 

Now that the world had changed, he realized what a dumb idea that had been. He didn’t want meaningless hookups. He’d had more than enough of those in his lifetime already. When Noah happened… well, he thought he was finally done with that scene.

He wasn’t wrong. He _was_ done with it, but not because he’d found something better.

Well, that wasn’t true either. He _had_ found better, but then he’d immediately let himself lose it. He’d walked away from it because he was an idiot who thought it was for the best.

But, it was for the best. It _was_. It had to be.

There was no way they could make this work from thousands of miles apart. Neither of them had been willing to compromise on where they lived, and no relationship could withstand that kind of distance.

It was hard enough when they could fly places and meet up… but now? Now it was pointless.

No matter how much it seemed like he’d won, he’d still wound up losing the most important thing.

Life was fucking heartbreaking, sometimes.

Dan sighed and wiped his eyes. Maybe he should go for a swim. That always made him feel marginally better.

He slid on some swim trunks, grabbed a towel, and whistled for Red to follow him into the backyard.

%%%

Dan floated on his back, the water surrounding his body and the sunlight warm on his face and chest. It was peaceful out here, and he could pretend he wasn’t as sad and stressed as he’d been lately. He could almost forget that the world had gone to shit and he missed Noah more than anything.

It had been three weeks since the commencement video aired and he hadn’t heard a peep from him. He almost would have believed Noah had dropped off the face of the earth if he hadn’t occasionally posted a vague story on Insta every few days.

Everyone from the cast had reached out to tell Dan how much they’d loved the video, how surprised they’d been, how funny it was… how glad they got to play their roles one last time. Everyone but Noah. Noah never reached out to him at all. Never did anything beyond liking his obligatory birthday post, but never liking or commenting on anything else Dan did. No accomplishments, no show related things, nothing. Just silence. Like Dan didn’t exist in his world anymore.

He shouldn’t be surprised. He’d told Noah not to contact him, and Noah always _was_ good at following his orders.

The only person who mentioned Noah seemed off in the video was Emily.

“I think he might have been crying, Dan,” she’d told him, her voice soft and worried over the phone.

Dan laughed it off, telling her that he told Noah to pretend to be emotional for David.

That was a bald-faced lie. He hadn’t spoken to Noah in months. He hadn’t even communicated with him about the commencement video, he’d left that to his assistant and the people coming up with the musical arrangement.

Emily seemed to believe him, though, and dropped the subject. After all, he’d personally contacted the rest of the cast, so why would she ever suspect he didn’t do the same with Noah?

The thing was, no one knew they’d taken their relationship any further than friendship. They never told anyone else that they’d gotten together in the early part of the year. It was still so new when the virus hit that there hadn’t been any time to do that before everything fell apart.

Only Stacey knew, and only because Dan had spent weeks basically crying into her shoulder every night about it. Plus, he trusted her. She’d never spill his secrets.

Thank god she was the only one who _did_ know. He didn’t think he’d be able to handle the embarrassment and heartache of knowing anyone else did. He could just imagine what his sister would say. Her and Noah got along so well. She’d be so disappointed in him for forgetting about professionalism and letting himself fall into bed with Noah.

For letting himself fall in head over heels in love with one of his cast. 

But he'd already been doing that for years. Falling into bed was an inevitability.

He groaned and ducked his head under the water, swimming down until he sat on the bottom of the pool for a minute and let the rush of the water pressure drown out every other sensation. He held his breath and focused on not crying. It wouldn’t do any good to cry.

When he finally couldn’t hold it any longer and his lungs felt like they were on fire, he flattened the soles of his feet on the bottom of the pool and propelled himself up. He broke through the surface, heaving in long breaths and barely keeping himself afloat.

“Dan?” Stacey’s voice was soft, solemn.

He whirled toward the sound and found her crouched down by the edge of the pool.

“Hey. When did you get back?”

“A while ago. Are you okay?” She looked hesitant, unsure. Worried about something.

He nodded. “Yeah. I just needed to think for a minute.”

She nodded. “So, you might want to get out of the pool and put some clothes on.”

He scrunched his face. “Why? Do you need help bringing in the groceries?”

She shook her head. “No, that’s already done. Everything is put away.”

“Okay? Well, thanks. You didn’t have to do that yourself. You should have come out and grabbed me.”

She chewed on her lip. “It’s okay. Dan, you really do need to get out of the pool and come inside.”

He frowned but swam to the edge and pulled himself out of the water. He grabbed his towel from a nearby chair and scrubbed his hair, drying his body off and wrapping it around his shoulders.

“What’s up? You look like you’re about to pull me into some kind of intervention.”

Stacey winced.

Dan went very still. “Stacey, what the fuck? That’s not what this is, _is_ it?” His voice started to go panicky and high pitched.

“No! No, of course not. Why would you need an intervention?”

“I don't know! Jesus, you gave me a fucking heart attack. Why are you so serious?”

“You have a visitor.”

Dan frowned. “Who? I don’t have any press scheduled today. You know I don’t like when people just show up, mask or no mask. Why’d you let them in?”

“I don’t think you’ll mind this visitor. At least I hope you won’t. I took a gamble, letting them in.” She shrugged and chewed on her lip again. “If you get mad, get mad at me.”

“Um. This doesn’t bode well.” He was annoyed, so he slipped past her and stalked into the house. He could hear Red barking in the living room. It was his happy, “Please play with me” bark, so he assumed it was someone Red was familiar with. He didn’t usually get that comfortable with strangers.

He was a lot like his master that way.

Dan rounded the hallway, stepping into the living room and freezing where he stood. His heart dropped to his toes and he had to grab onto the door frame to keep from falling over.

Noah was crouched on the floor, rubbing Red’s belly and smiling.

He glanced up when Dan entered and the smile fell off his face, replaced by a nervous, anxious expression.

“Hi, Dan.”

“What are you doing here?” Dan whispered.

“I know you told me not to contact you. I know you think it’s for the best. And I tried, Dan, I really did try. You can’t say that I didn’t. I’ve spent the last three months trying to ignore you, but it’s been torture. And then we had to do that stupid graduation thing and I saw you again, and… after all that time not talking to you, to see you like that… to pretend we were in character again….” Noah laughed and stood. “I sucked at that, by the way. I totally wasn’t in character. I know you had to be annoyed about that.”

“You cried,” Dan replied, unsure of what else to say.

Noah nodded. “Yeah. I did. I cried a lot. Then I went to my parents and spent a couple days there trying to unwind. But then had to go home for some Instagram concert thing. I got really drunk for that, by the way. Just so I could get through it without looking completely destroyed. I felt awful.”

Dan nodded. “I saw that, too.”

“I didn’t know you logged in to it. I looked for your name but it never came up.”

Dan shrugged. “I watched it after. It was online.” He took a long breath. “Why are you here, Noah?”

Noah bit his lip and rocked back on his heels. “I miss you.”

Dan closed his eyes and focused on breathing. “Noah. You know why this can’t work.”

“I’ll move here.”

Dan’s eyes opened so fast he almost made himself pass out. “What?”

“I’ll move here, Dan. I mean it.”

“You hate LA.”

Noah shrugged. “I hate not having you in my life more.” He took a couple steps toward Dan and stopped. “Can you put some clothes on? That whole swimming look is really distracting after I haven’t seen you in so long.”

Dan stared down at himself and realized just how little he was wearing. “Oh. Oh, yeah. Um. Give me a second.”

He turned and bolted up the stairs to his room.

Slamming the door, he leaned against it and tried not to have a full anxiety attack. Noah was here. Noah wanted to _move_ here. Had he passed out at the bottom of the pool? Was he dead? Was that what this was? Some kind of purgatory for him?

He pinched himself to make sure.

Yep, that definitely hurt.

So he was alive, and Noah was currently in his living room petting his dog.

Okay.

He could do this.

He quickly took off his swim shorts, threw on a pair of joggers and a sweatshirt, ran his hands through his probably destroyed hair, and opened the door to his bedroom.

Stacey stood there, her expression still worried.

“Are you okay with me letting him in?”

Dan laughed in surprise. “Stace, he showed up here all the way from Canada. Of _course_ you let him in. It’s okay.”

“You sure? It’s okay seeing him? I mean, I know how upset you’ve been about him.”

Dan nodded. “Yeah. I have no idea what’s going to happen, but it’s okay.” He started to move past her, but stopped and turned. “He said he wants to move here. To be with me.”

Stacey’s eyes got huge. “What? He hates LA.”

“That’s what I said. He said he hates not having me around more.”

Her eyes misted. “Oh. Well, that’s beautiful. Maybe I don’t hate him as much anymore.”

“Stacey! You've hated him?”

She shrugged. “You’re my best friend and he hurt you.”

“I was the one who told him to stop talking to me.”

“I know. It didn’t mean he had to listen.”

Dan moved forward and pulled her into a hug. “You’re a good friend.” He let go and patted her shoulder. “But, I haven’t seen him in three months and I have no idea what’s going to happen, so maybe like… make yourself scarce?”

She laughed. “I’ll go run some errands.”

“Probably wise,” Dan agreed, trying to keep from smiling.

She hugged him again. “I’m glad he’s here, Dan.”

“Me too.”

He grabbed her hand and they walked downstairs together. Noah was seated on the couch and looked up when they reached the doorway.

“Hi.”

Stacey squeezed Dan’s hand and let go. “I’m going to run some errands and I’ll be back in like three hours. Noah, if you’re not here by then, it was good seeing you.”

“Oh? I thought you hated me now.”

She laughed. “I did until about a half-hour ago. So, yeah. If you if you’re gone when I get back, good to see you.”

“He’ll still be here,” Dan said.

Noah glanced at him, surprise evident in his gaze. “Will I?”

Dan nodded. “Yeah.”

“And that’s my cue to leave,” Stacey said and disappeared down the hallway. When Dan heard the front door shut, he took a deep breath and walked into the living room.

“We have a lot to talk about, Noah.”

Noah patted the cushion next to him. “I figured.”

Dan walked over and sat in an armchair facing the couch. “You could have texted. Or called. You didn’t have to come all the way from Canada. It’s not exactly safe to travel right now.”

“I’ve been here for two weeks, Dan. I knew you wouldn’t see me unless I quarantined myself, so I did. I’m fine. Would you please come sit next to me now?”

Dan stared at him. “What? You’ve been here for two weeks?”

Noah nodded. “Yeah. There’s a surprising amount of available air bnb’s in the city during a pandemic. Reasonable pricing.”

“Are you serious? Is that why you’ve been MIA online the last few weeks?”

“Well, that and I’m not big on social media in the first place. I basically spent the last two weeks psyching myself up to come here and not freak out and go back to Canada.”

“Can you even go back? Until the border opens up, I mean.”

“Unclear. I didn’t look into it. I just knew I needed to be where you were, and the rest would sort itself out. I promise, I’ve quarantined the recommended amount of time and I took a very long shower before I came here. Will you please come sit with me, Dan?”

Dan got up on wobbly legs and crossed the few feet to sink down on the couch next to Noah. He stared at him a moment, taking in the earnest fondness in those loud, hazel eyes, then let out a sob and wrapped his arms around Noah’s shoulders.

Noah’s arms came up and curled around Dan’s waist as they held each other in silence for a few moments.

“I missed you,” Dan finally admitted, his voice muffled against Noah’s shoulder.

“I missed you too, Daniel. Why do you think I’m here?”

“Again, you could have texted. Or called.”

“You wouldn’t have answered. You were so set on ending this.”

“Nothing was working in our favor. The distance. The virus. It was like a big, flashing neon sign that I should just give up.”

Noah sat back and stroked Dan’s cheeks. “We need to talk about why you were so quick to give up on us.”

“Because.” Dan paused. “Because I knew you were going to break my heart. I didn’t think you’d leave Toronto. I can’t leave LA right now. I have too much to work to do. A contract. This house.”

Noah nodded. “I know. That’s why I’m here, Dan. For the record, I was willing to make it work with the distance. I figured we’d just travel a lot. You’d meet me in wherever I was touring, that sort of thing. And then I knew we’d be traveling together for the farewell tour, so I didn’t give the logistics much thought. I just knew it would work. Then everything shut down and so did you. It was like you flipped a switch and were completely done with me overnight.”

Dan shook his head. “I was never done with you. I’m still not.”

“Well, then you are pretty fucking convincing at being absolutely over people.”

“Yeah, well… with my life, I’ve had to be.”

Noah sighed. “Dan, I wasn’t going to break your heart. I promise. You know why?”

“No. Why?”

“Because it would break mine even more.”

Dan rested his forehead on Noah’s chest, his eyes watering. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“I’m glad I’m here, too. I’m glad you’re letting me be here. I don’t want to be anywhere else, okay? I love you.”

Dan choked on a sob. “I love you, too.”

Noah shook his shoulders softly, letting out a frustrated sounding laugh. “Then why the fuck have we both been suffering for three months?”

“Because I’m an idiot,” Dan answered softly.

“Well, that’s not true. You’re the smartest person I know.”

“Not about this stuff.”

“Well, how about we figure it all out together, okay? I’m not going anywhere. Think this house is big enough for both of us?”

“I hope so, because I’m not ever letting you live anywhere I’m not.”

“I hadn’t planned on it.”

Dan burrowed into Noah’s chest and wrapped his arms around him, breathing in the scent of cheap, borrowed soap and Noah.

It was the best smell in the world.


End file.
